


April vs Her Emotions | BBLT Submission.

by bowden



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Love, Love Letters, Short One Shot, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29395572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowden/pseuds/bowden
Summary: Hi! I know I haven't posted on here in a while and removed most of my works, but this is a short story submission just for fun for a group that I'm participating for a challenge in! I hope you enjoy April and her constant internal struggle with trying to tell a guy she likes him.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	April vs Her Emotions | BBLT Submission.

April looked at the blank sheet of paper in front of her. She knew that she couldn't condense all of her emotions into some sort of easily digestable paragraph or two without getting her message across. But she knew the librarian would never allow her to take more than one paper. So her one paper, her not-so-sharpened pencil, and this cheesy love envelope sat right in front of her, and it was all she had left. _"Dearest, Jasper"_ She quickly erased that. She knew it sounded like someone had died or that she was addressing him formally, so she scrapped it. Her hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? She didn't know why they were shaking. She didn't even know why she was so nervous. She wasn't supposed to be some nervous girl. She was one of the guys, one of the brave ones. One that doesn't back down from anything, so why was this so hard? She picked up the pencil, and kept going.

 _"To the guy who's wanted to find his cinderella. I'm the girl you always hang out with. I'm the girl you've been eating lunch with, scoping the halls with, riding on the bike home to school with. I'm the little sister. I'm the side character. But no matter what side I'm on, I always want to be next to you."_  
  
God, she didn't want to sound like she was spilling her guts. What if he didn't like her back? What if he stopped talking to her? This that and the third all raced through her mind with thoughts that she probably shouldn't have had to worry about. But some part of her was so *scared* of what he'd do. Not even that, but she was scared of what she'd have to do without him if he left. She knew he could go with one of the prettier girls, one of the smarter girls, one of the girls that are smooth around the edges, not some ugly ducking who had no place with him. Yet some part of her still wanted to hold onto the hope that she had a chance. That out of all the girls, he'd still pick her.

So, she wrote down every last word she could. Even if it hurt to do so, and even if the future was so unsure, Valentines day was just a few days away, and this was the only thing she had left to do. All she had to do was write a paragraph, and her internal hell would finally be over.

_I like you, man. I really, really fucking like you, and I hate myself for doing so. I hate myself for that every single day, I wake up to hear your smile. I hate that I'm watching you struggling to take care of your family and working so hard every single day just for me to be writing some pathetic love letter to you. Yet in some place in my heart, I love you too much to admit it. I love your smile whenever Jack tells you one of his stupid ass jokes in class. I love whenever you get flustered and start stuttering and pronounce your s's like you're having some seizure. I love how every single day, you're able to light up a room just with your energy. I love how every single time I'm next to you, you're able to tune out the entire world. I love how whatever people say about you or your friends you're always there to back them up. You're always there for me and I'm never sure how to be there for you. Every single day you wake up to a world that you're struggling in, and you still have the gall to smile wherever you go. You still have the courage to be able to step out of the house looking better than ever every single day. I hate you so much, I want to be there for you so bad, I want to be with you so bad, I want to be the one you choose so bad so I can wake up every day with you to smile right back. You've brought me through the lowest of lows and I only want to do the same. And even if I'm the not one you choose, then damnit, I'm going to make sure the one you choose loves you as much as I do and gives you the world and more, because you DESERVE it. You deserve the world you fight so hard to keep living in, and damnit, you've kept me alive. And so if I'm not the one you choose, please, please tell me I'll stay apart of it._

_Love, April._


End file.
